


Walking on angel feathers

by Sungie_3



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Normal High School, Arachnophobia, Bang Chan is a therapist, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Felix has a crappy family, Felix is dealing with trauma, Han Jisung | Han & Lee Felix are Best Friends, Hyunjin has a crappy family, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Internalized Homophobia, Kim seungmin is smart, Lee Felix family, Lee Felix is fed up with life, Lee Felix-centric (Stray Kids), Lee Minho | Lee Know Is Bad at Feelings, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Seo Changbin is a Good Friend, Yang Jeongin | I.N Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-23
Packaged: 2021-03-23 14:46:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30057084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sungie_3/pseuds/Sungie_3
Summary: After years of torment Felix finally decides to go to therapyand basically his school life
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Hwang Hyunjin/Lee Felix
Kudos: 10





	1. coughed up a bug

**Author's Note:**

> so i write this as a vent fic 
> 
> ITS SO PERSONAL BTUDTYERESFGVHJGIUT*FJ
> 
> updates when i feel like it, chapters can be tiny or super long.

It's the drunk morning and the blurry eyesight triggered by the cry for help of the alarm. Felix shifts under the tight embrace of his covers, pulling his whale plushie closed into his chest and praying for the damn thing to fucking shut up but of course, it doesn't. He tares his eyelids open and forces his hand to grab his phone over from his bedtime table, shutting off the dreadful sound. It was painful enough that the sting of the air and the sight before him was identical, like a torture being stuck in an ever repeating time loop of waking up in the same room. It reminded him of that one dream that pursed his already weak reality with the surgeon needles of paranoia sowing its bits and pieces into an intoxicating blindfold that sits a bit too tight against his scalp. 

He swings his legs off of the side of his bed, standing up and letting the cool air embrace his naked body, sending ants of chills down his spine. Fuck, he forgot to close the window...again. He walks up to the the cause of the cold, sliding his fingers across the window-frame and looking upon the corpses of snowflakes smashed against the glass and piled up in its corners. The window itself is very large, it's one of these long ones that starts at the floor and reaches the ceiling, clear glass opening a sight onto the dead, grey buildings of the city, barely covered by loosely hung transparent curtains. A sudden thought of being seen passes across Felix's mind but he quickly brushes it off with the realisation that he doesn't really care anymore who's eyes will trail on his skin. He still closes the window and shuts the curtains though. 

The time shows 6 am, he has precisely one hour to get ready, have breakfast and go to school. His new school. It hasn't even been a month since Felix's family moved to a different country, enrolling their only Child in a fancy, private school, swarming with rich arrogant locals that don't see an inch past their own nose. He fumbles in his closet, taking out his uniform and placing it onto his bed so it'l be ready once comes out of the shower. 

The shower. The boy has a very interesting relationship with the cabin, remembering the days when he locked the door and kneeled under the water stream, gouging out his eyes with tears. And well...tears, sobs and scratches leave a certain mark which won't wash off with extra soap but stay silently suspended in the air, staring down on every visitor, entering its space. He. stands calmly, enjoying the heat and solitude that the shower offers, keeping the mirror away from his sight and drowning further into himself. Once he steps out onto the cool tiles, he hurries to wrap the soft towel over his shoulders in a futile attempt to keep the warmth a little longer. 

He brushes his black hair with his fingers, covers his freckles with makeup and curls up the sides of his mullet in order to look somewhat presentable. The uniform wraps around his limbs and curves in all the wrong ways, as if tailed to highlight his petite physique, shoving his small waist and narrow shoulder which were often described as 'feminine' right into his face.

Even though the morning was quiet and harmless, pillows of clouds lazily hovering over the sky, something about it was upsetting. Any instrument is broken in a bad musician's hands. So it was the same for Felix...any place was unsettling for his damaged views. Should he simply change the colour of his eyes to see his world in a pretty way?

±

"Hey there Lix!" 

The boy twitched in his seat as a hand landed on his shoulder with a strong pat. Soon enough a heavy bag was thrown besides the legs of his chair and Jisung, his classmate, plopped into the seat besides him.

"Hey there man." Replied Felix with a wide grin on his face as he clasped his hand against Jisung's in their usual greeting. 

Han Jisung was Felix's probably favourite person to talk to. He was the guy in the back of the class making weird comments and disrupting the lessons as the class erupted in a sudden spring of laughter. He wished he could call him his best friend but Jisung was pretty popular and Felix only talked to him during History or geography, the only times they sat together. 

"How are you?" Simple small talk, good job Felix, keep it casual. 

Jisung sighs, passing a hand through his constantly messy hair, throwing his head backwards. "Fucking sucks! I wanna commit not alive." He chuckles at the end of his sentence, nothing new. Sometimes Felix wonders why all them pull over this depressed state, do they all have a reason? If so, how come the whole generation is in constant suffer, this can't be really his reality. There are these petty days when he wonders if he perhaps drowns himself on purpose, and the hand restricting his air turns out to be his own. Sure, Felix has some issues, but by the looks of it, all of them do, so...he should really quit being this selfish and swallow down his happy pills to laugh another day. 

The lessons aren't that boring, the teacher lets them chat which Felix and Jisung use to the borderline maximum, whispering to each other stupid jokes. They try their best to not rally distrust the lesson but fail as the previously lacking hyperactivity fills them up to the top, leaking through the taped cracks as the they cover their mouths with the palms of their hands and descend into a hysterical snigger. At some point they even receive a comment to politely shut the fuck up from Seungmin, teachers kid, but the boy has balls and you don't wanna mess with him. 

When lunch break arrives, Felix lowers his head and enters the bathrooms in hope to lock himself in one of the stalls and write the essay he never finished. There are kids fuming, swearing and laughing at each other, letting the heavy curls of smoke swirl through the air, escaping their parted lips. One of them he knows, a rich kid named Hwang Hyunjin. They say he's all that but from the look of it he just hangs around with those of the same social state, arrives to school late with blueberry bruises and strawberry scratches. Something about them was pretty, or maybe Felix was just weird. He didn't hate Hyunjin, he hated his friends and that was enough. 

A smaller boy was cornered under the sink, his earphones on and also apparently typing something. Ah, he knew him, that was Jeongin, they had English together. Felix couldn't pinpoint what it was but he felt some sort of familiarity with the kid even though they barely talked. He should really make some friends huh. 

Entering the stall he locks the cabin and crosses his legs on the stool, attempting to concentrate on the undone assignment. It's a shame that he fails to do so as the corner of his eye catches sight of an insect in the upright corner. 

welp, here we go again. 

It's a spider. Of course. Why else would Felix's blood freeze in his veins and his heart sends ripples down the violently pumped circuits. The creature rapidly claws the air with its eight limbs. moving alike a disgusting creation, tangled in its own silk threads and bobbing its bloated soft body up and down the gluttonous thread. The spider wasn't big, about the size of a thumb but even its agile movements and curving of tips, gluing the sticky saliva ropes around it's core and extending its legs triggered beads of shattered fear race down like a cold shower through Felix's stained eyesight. He couldn't move, only helplessly close his eyes and pray that the thing will recoil itself from the web and disappear. So this is the affect of a single spider. 

Fuck the school bathrooms. Fuck his life.


	2. tasteless, as plain as it gets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> felix's days are getting worse as his life resembles one of a frog in a lab, disgusting and under a microscope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more of me expressing my issues through writing...yay. 
> 
> Tw because my writing gives u strong imagery.

Insects. Insects and their little bloated fluffy bodies with thin dangly legs, pumped with disgusting slimy fluids instead of blood. Felix stared down in resent at the floating in his paper cup bilious corpse of a fly. He wiped his mouth with the sleeve of his uniform and continuously swallowed a few times, inspecting the insides of his mouth with his tongue and scrunching his nose as the now jolted around saliva nearly dripped down his lip which he had luckily swiped up in time. He had to make sure he didn't accidentally swallow one. 

"You good?" Came Seungmin's voice from across the lunch table. 

The boy snapped out of his daze, putting the cup aside. 

"There was a fly in my water..." Replied Felix with the most generic monotone voice he could fake. 

Seungmin scuffed, stuffing another mouth-full of lasagna into his mouth and letting the oily strings of cheese rip between his teeth, sending the droplets of fat to stain his chin as he chewed, and chewed on the food. It was...rather repulsive. The lunch room itself appeared to Felix more as a pig barn, with all he could concentrate being the constant gulping and muffled speech by the chunks of food children forced down their throats. It resented him to think how his organs would pump and throb against each other, slowly digesting the cooked remains or an animal and flooding his inner intestines with stomach juices to beak down what used to be the chewy, fatty tissue of meat. 

Yeah, he'll probably pass on lunch. 

The day itself was going so fucking slowly, dragging Felix down its slimy traces, like a snail, only to curl back into his shell once he gets home. This whole air around him was heavily drugged with a melancholic enamour, enabling him to behave in a competent way as he sometimes sprung out in a sudden run of carelessness. Surprising others with how quickly his blank features twisted into a crooked grin, alike a jack in the box. 

± 

Empty droplets of water absorbing the dim reflections of the outside world dragged their heavy bodies down the surface of the window. What was a previously powerful snow storm that sent the mist of snowflakes chase the precious heat, turned into an aggravating rain, monotonous and plain with the puddles rippling at every touch of a tear which escaped the clouds. It was way worse than the milky fog of a snow storm, completely eliminating the race, leaving them all in a slowed process of sucking, as if the weather took pleasure from seeing the gleaming sparkle of joy getting pulled out of their eyes. What was actually pulling the shit out of Felix were the tiny little plump letters, squished together on a black and white questionary that begged to be filled with equations. 

Rhythmic tap-tapping of the pen against the paper, tired sights echoing through the classroom and the scribbling of pencil, constantly creating the chant of the math room. Felix's head was resting on the palm of his hands as he pushed himself out of the window, freeing his head from the stuffiness of others. From his point view, freezing in the white, ghostly and annoyingly wet streets was a better option than writing a math test which he didn't even study for. He bit the inner of his cheek and kept piercing it with his teeth until his nerves were stung with a bief tickle of pain before a familiar scent leaked into his mouth. He hated when the pressure took the best of him. Felix silently hissed at the wound and licked his lips letting the bottom one get slightly tinted crimson from the red or his blood. 

Rolling his eyes, Felix attempted to discretely wipe the stain away with the sleeve of his blouse before a whisper reached his ear. 

"...Felix?" 

He looked over to meet Jisung's eyes. Jisung's dark, circular, plain, wide, dilated pupils. If he stared long enough he could probably get lost in them too, sucked in, once again into the turmoil of a foreign gaze. He didn't reply, only kept inspecting the face of his friend, what was Jisung staring at? 

Drip, drop, drip, drop, drip, drop.....

The sound of the droplets of water hitting a flat surface. The rain has probably ceased and the remains were gliding down the rooftops hitting the still wet frames. Although, if you listened closely, you could here the downpour still violently hitting onto the pavement. Then what was....

Drip, drop, drip, drop, drip, drop.....

Jisung's face was still the only thing in his view sight. He just kept staring at Felix, not blinking, and with all the efforts that Felix applied, he failed to decode is expression, his thoughts falling limp against the same wooden door of the mundane. Dull, wooden, door of the mundane. 

Drip, drop, drip, drop, drip, drop.....

He decided to follow Jisung's gaze, his eyes fixated on Felix's lips, still and silent. Then, came the sense of movement. As if drolling, something was escaping his parted lips and overflowing his mouth, leaking and leaking down on the test paper. Opposed to the usual, the liquid was once again gluttonous, sticky but tasteless, not the usual metal flavour that the ruby of the puddle must possess. The blood kept on dripping down his chin and was now making its blooming branches across the desk nearing its edges and threatening to make its way onto the classroom floor. So that's what Jisung was staring at. 

A sudden clang of a brutally closed door rent the calm air of the classroom. Felix's brain made it a clear deduction that the teacher must've returned, and the heavy, loud steps abusing the floor was probably him marching towards Felix, his face red with rage and eyes out of his sockets. The teacher would probably be so mad to see his precious equipment covered in blood, Felix's filthy, dirty blood. 

"FELIX!" 

Ah, there comes his voice, cracking his sore throat with a shout. 

"FELIX!!!!"

But something was off, so blurry, so...unrealistic...

"F E L I X !" 

The boy shot his head up, gaze disoriented as he scrambled up together from the warmth of the couch. His fingers were gripping tightly to the soft blanket as he attempted to make sense of his surroundings. There was a tall Woman peering over him, dressed in fancy expensive clothes and her face painted with five or more layers of makeup that did nothing more than worsen her repulsive face features. Her eyes we infected with rage, hands on her hips and bending down towards Felix, shouting his name into his ear. 

"I'm awake mom." Replied The boy with a weak voice. 

"DID YOU FEED THE DOG?!" Kept shouting the woman, her spit escaping her mouth and landing on Felix's face. He dared not flinch. 

"I...no I haven't not yet..." Replied the boy. 

"YOU LITTLE SHIT, DID YOU SEE THE TIME?" Her voice kept reaping the thinly sowed cloth of his sanity. 

"No..not yet I haven't." Replied Felix. He could've sworn he put an alarm exactly on 20;00 to wake him up from his nap and feed their animal. 

The woman was Furious, she grabbed her mobile device unlocking it and shoved the screen into Felix's face. It read 19;58. 

"It's not time yet, my alarm is set for 20 mom." 

She scoffed, her head whipping around along with the fake blonde hair of her wig. She pointed her finger towards a hiding in the corner little dog. 

"THEN WHY DOES HE KEEP FOLLOWING ME HUH?! YOU SEE THAT THE DOG IS HUNGRY AND YOU STILL DON'T FEE HIM?!" 

Muffin, their dog was sitting in the corner, head down, probably petrified from the loud voices. 

"I'm sorry I was sleeping...I assume he just followed you because he wanted to play." 

"WELL YOU WONT SLEEP NEXT TIME!" Growled the woman, grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the dog's plate. She muttered a silent 'feed him' before snatching the keys and leaving the house. 

He remained standing there for a few seconds before getting the food out for Muffin and turning his eyes towards the big mirror that served as a door for their closet, tracing his own tired face, making eye contact with the boy that stared back. Felix's swirls of colours were only damp stains of paint that coated his pupil, even though these tired eyes belonged to a child they viewed the world alike to a painting. A majestic creation scraped by the grim primrose of what used to be the glorious youth of the painter himself, now bias for dirtied money bills. Felix's freckles like splatters of paint on his cheeks, his lips perfectly shaped with the paintbrush matching his high cheekbones as if sculpted. The colour of his skin a complex mixture of shades, not forgetting the watercolour bruises and scratches from the pencil adding to the complexity of his image. 

Felix would've been considered beautiful....only if he wasn't so human. If only this wasn't all flesh, skin and bones. Plain and boring, like any other. 

To Felix, the mirror has had this crack for a long while, this big invisible crack right across his reflection. 

Maybe he did need help?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now i promise to slowly make things better I just needed a breaking moment 
> 
> ALSO this fic is my venting door, dont expect anything from me


End file.
